(Not meant to offend anyone, and if it does then please notify me i will delete it... Thanks!)
(Btw this sounds so much better in real life)

Joke #1
- Bill Clinton and the pope die on the same day. There is a mix up and Clinton goes to heaven and the Pope to hell. So the problem is fixed and they take the elevator, Clinton down to hell, and Pope up to heaven. As they are riding, the elevator stops and they both begin to talk to each other.
Bill Clinton ---"Hello Mr. Pope, where are you going?"
Pope ---"Well, i am going to see Jesus and the Virgin Mary"
Bill Clinton--- "Oh really, the Virgin Mary you say?"
Pope ---"Yes sir"
Bill Clinton ---"Well not anymore"
(insert laughter here)
Joke #2
So there is a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, they have just run away from jail and decide to hide in a barn. The redhead hides in the cow pen, the Brunette in the pig pen, and the blonde in a sack of potatoes. So a cop walks into the barn and starts to look around, he goes to the cow pen and looks in..
Cop ---"Hmm is there anyone here??"
And so the Redhead goes--- " Moooooooo"
Cop ---"Nope no one here, just cows"

So then the cop goes to the pig pen and looks in and says...
Cop ---"Hmm, is there anyone here??"
And so the brunette goes--- "Oink Oink"
Cop ---"Nope there is no one here, just the pigs."

So then the cop walks over to the potato bags and says:
Cop ---"Hmm, is there anyone here??"
And the Blonde goes ---"Po-Taaa- Too"
(insert laughter here)